I'm Thankful

I'm really sorry I haven't been keeping up with this blog like I did when I first started it. Things have changed so much for me in a short time. I want to give out some thanks for this Thanksgiving Season. My thanks goes out to all of you. You that have read my blog that took time out of your life to give this lonely gay soldier boy some your time. The ones that reached out to another human that felt he had nobody. I am very thankful for all of you. When I get back from my Thanksgiving trip with Alex I will have more posts. I will try very hard to do more with this blog. Be save this Thanksgiving weekend and know you are not alone you have a friend out there and it's me.

I wake up next to you

I wake up next to you.
I look deep within your eyes.
Your fast asleep not knowing what your doing to me.
You have put me under a love spell.
I just lay there not a bone in me moves.
I slowly close my eyes.
But that doesn't last long.
Cause I cant bear to not see you.
For only a second you have changed me so much.
Not caring about the people around me think.
I cant see anyone but yourself.
I look at you again and I cant help but not kiss you.
So just out of know where I kiss your soft lips.
You kiss back as though you weren't even sleeping.
I got the butterflies when you looked at me and I don't even know why.
Maybe its just a sign that we are going to be together for a long time.
You close your eyes and I close mine.
We both fall asleep in each others arms.

I didn't write this I forgot who did I remember when I was alone I found it thought how beautiful it was. I coped and saved it thought maybe someday I could use it. Honestly never thought that would come true but waking up in Alex arms this morning proved it was true. I'm so scared my heart will totally break if this don't work but my heart also says take that chance. I have to follow my heart on this I'm so falling.

The Weekend

Were both off today running around paying bills and shopping some. Not much for a post today sorry about that. Funny feels like were a couple feels so right. Have a good weekend everyone.

Thanksgiving Plans

Thanks for the comments & emails from yesterday's post. It was not an easy thing to write but something I wanted to finally get out there. I'm finding more that I tell the stories to you and Alex the better I start feeling about myself. So I know in the future there will be more of the hell I went through. But for now that's enough drama let's talk about something that makes me happy Alex! Were going to hang around the house this weekend. We want to hit the beach maybe and he want's to take me someplace north of here that has a clothes optional pool. Not sure if I'm ready for nudity in public it was bad enough in the service but a pool area oh what the hell if he want's to go I'll do it.

We have decided on what were doing for Thanksgiving we going to Ocala and were going to hike the Florida Trail. It's 60 miles that goes right through the Ocala National Forest. Were taking are sleeping bags and a tent and going to ruff it out in the forest. Were going to take both cars and park one at the end of the trail. We think this will be great and fun an a really awesome way to get to know each other even better. Were going to have are phones but only going to use them in an emergency. I will also have my M9 Beretta with is just incase of some wild animals or crazy people never know. My biggest fear when I'm hiking is snakes all the other animals I can deal with it's snakes that scare me I will pop a cap in one real quick.

That's are plans what about your?

Family

When I was a teenager I had this nephew that I was a little close with. As I have written in other post me and family not close or any love there. There was a 6 year age different between us didn't seem to matter we got along great and wanting that family love the age thing wasn't a problem. Of course he was the younger of us when he first came into my life he was 6 years old so of course I was like a hero or something to him. We just bonded the other kids would get mad because I showed him some attention. Now these are the same that wanted nothing to do with me until this boy came into the picture now the run and tell that I don't play with them and I get into trouble for it.

I remember one time I finally had enough balls and stood up to them kids we were fighting about me being a bastard child and how I wasn't loved or wanted in this family. I stood my ground and wasn't backing down from this and I told them I has as right in this family as they did and that whoever don't love me can kiss my ass. I didn't know my grandpa was watching this and heard me and did I ever get it. He beat my ass with a belt at first and then with his fists. He got me good and top it all off is I had to lie about what happen too me I had to tell my mom and everyone else I got jump by some kids in the neighborhood he said if I told them what happen he would get rid me and nobody would ever find the body. To a kid this scared me so I lied that night it happen I had to stay on the porch wasn't allowed in the house dinner time came wasn't allowed to eat stayed on the porch with my dried blood and hurting all over.

Later that night my nephew now take in mind he was 7 at the time came out when everyone went to bed and game me some food he was saving from dinner so I would have something to eat so I thought he understood what was happening to me I think for the most part he did. Things with me and him never changed he always looked up to me like I was a hero or something. I was close to being done with school and I knew I need a way out of this family and I wanted too finish my schooling be something and prove all of them people wrong. I never told anyone of them that I was gay I'm not sure if I did back then if I would have lived to be honest. So they never knew this at the time but I signed up for the services I knew this would be my way out.

I talk with the army they came out to the house I signed the papers and gave them my life soon as I finish the last 2 months of high school. I came home from school one day and the police were there wanted to talk with me. They had already talked to my mom I could tell by the look on here face. To make this short as possible my nephew 13 now was accusing me of touching him and me forcing him to do things to me. The police ask a few questions and then told me I need to call my recruiter and have him meet us at the police station. When I got there my grandpa and nephew was there and never one said a word to me. They took me into this room and ask more questions and when the recruiter got there he ask me question alone he ask me point blank if I was gay and I told him yes but I didn't touch that kid and nobody knows that I am he was the first I told.

So many things going threw my mind was like I'm going to jail and I was going to get kick out of the army for being gay. The police came back in with this report and gave it to me and my recruiter it was a statement from my nephew on what I did to him and in details my penis. My recruiter ask for a minute with me again he ask me point blank did you do this I told him no I was crying he then ask is this your penis the kid is describing? Embarrassed as I get I told him no its not mine he ask if I could prove it without any doubt? I told him I could he called the police back in and he told them the kid was lying that the penis he describe wasn't my penis.

The police said well we need to see your penis my mouth about drop to the floor. I was like what you want to see my penis he said if your penis is different than what the kid says there is no case. My recruiter was like Cooper drop your pants I was never so scared in my life but I did and thank the good Lord above that I was blessed in that department even after I had to get myself hard for 4 guys to look at that didn't want to touch me by the way they knew my nephew was lying. I'm not bragging just want to clear that up like I said before a cock is a cock seen one seen a lot that look just like it. My recruiter told me that this never happen and to keep my gayness to myself that's another story sometime. My nephew finally came clean and said he made it up never said why I think my grandparents had something to do with it they knew I was leaving and would never be back and they couldn't stop me. It was 2 months of hell I tell you that the kids at school heard and of course no matter what they still called me child molester and stuff like that.

My grandparents and many family members believe I did it also and when I was found out later that I was gay only fuel there beliefs. My nephew it was his start down a rocky road he ended up in more trouble after that ended up in and out of jail and now he's down 10 years for drugs and robbery. Funny how things turn out I was told I would end up in prison and there trump card did. Sad thing was he was the closes thing to a family I had that I thought loved me at the time. Wish it could have turn out better. I have my Thanksgiving plans worked out with Alex and what were doing it's going to be great I'll let you in on it soon.

My Weekend

I went into the past weekend scared, excited and a lot of what if's. Thanks to all of you that commented, sent email or chatted with me on line talk me into jumping in. I'm so glad I did I went into the weekend with a friend and a date and came out with some special that wants to spend more time with me. First time in a long time I'm happy this now feel different. Alex never once said he was different than any of my ex boyfriend he said he was better than them and he would prove to me that he will love me and only me and would never hurt me. I have never had anyone tell me that Alex makes things about us not just him I'm not use to that.

I have never had a guy tell me how beautiful I was or how good something felt. This is all new too me he told me Coop learn how to take a compliment. I tried to explain I never got them so I don't know how to deal with them. I told him I was scared for Monday to come that he would leave and not come back. He promise me that wouldn't happen and he's call me 3 times already today and it's not even 1pm yet. My heart misses him and just want to go back when we were cuddling and holding each other. I'm sorry I'm sure you didn't want to hear all about my sappy stuff.

The hike went well on Saturday course was hard keeping our hands off each other. We finally out far enough where we thought people wouldn't come and decided to jump in the Myakka River naked of course. This worried a little for those that don't know Myakka River is famous for it's gator's and snakes. I'm not talking about the snakes between mine & Alex legs either he had to say that. He told me not to worry the water was cold and there is less activity he wasn't lying that water was cold talk shrinkage hehe. We did see a couple gator's after we got out of the water. Were thinking about going camping somewhere over Thanksgiving well we talked about it. Guess that's it for now he's calling again.

Happy

Sorry not a long or detail post today I'll have one tomorrow. I'm very happy the last couple days have been some of the best of my life. Alex is still here and still gives me that look. Were just watching football and cuddling. Were going to cookout in a little while and wait for tonight so we can watch Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters. I will catch up on your blogs tomorrow sorry for that. Thanks for all the comments and wishing me all the best with Alex. I'm having a good feeling now I have never had anyone tell me how beautiful I was as much as Alex has.